Give It Away Now

Out of my big batch of muffins, only three were left at the end of the day. I said aloud that I didn't want to bring any of them home, and a coworker asked if she could have the rest for her mother. YES, WOMAN! YES! I put 'em in a Ziploc and shoved them her way.

NO MORE CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN MY HOUSE! Woo hoo!

Today while working out: Data refused a direct order from Commander Riker, because he suspected that the machines that would be destroyed in the process of following said order were actually intelligent life forms. Picard spoke one line to him at the episode finale, and I cried: "That was the most human decision you've ever made." The tiny twitch in Brent Spiner's face, the blink of his eyes, oh God, my heartstrings.

I have soreness in my... chest? What are these strange non-muscles of mine? I think it's from the dumbbell bench presses I did. Should be interesting to see what sorenesses wait until tomorrow!

I hope I haven't made a huge mistake (regarding baked goods)

I skipped book club last night! I hated the book, my husband hated the book, and we just couldn't partake in a discussion with people who might have liked it. Closed minded of us, yes. Instead, we spent the evening picking it apart hilariously, and I enjoyed our time together.

That freed up a couple hours, though, and I didn't know what to do with myself. My husband had cleaned the kitchen, so I take that as a blank slate for kind of whipping something up. I had eight (8) overripe bananas, plus a bag and a half of chocolate chips, that I absolutely NEEDED to get out of my house. So I made some muffins.

I realize that baked goods aren't a great idea right now. I do feel glad that I brought them to work. We ate the broken or squished ones last night, which I tracked on MFP, and today they've gone over extremely well with my coworkers. I think everyone has had at least one, many people have had a couple (better them than me), and they've all thanked me for baking them. I used half olive oil and half nonfat Greek yogurt instead of melted butter, and I used natural whole wheat flour, and I don't think it harmed them at all. But if you add that much chocolate to anything, it's probably going to taste pretty good. I was happy to learn that my coworkers actually do appreciate healthy treats instead of junk food all the time.

Anyway, it's lunch time, so off to the little gym I go.

Gym Adventure Postponed

I worked up the courage to go to my new gym yesterday, I really did. I put on the right clothes, got in my car, and figured out how to get there.

But when I arrived, I was greeted by a sign at the front door that said the pool and the fitness center are closed for their annual cleaning. Blast it!

WHY?!?!?

I was totally disappointed, but as I drove back home again, I figured I'd stop by another gym that's on the way. It's gigantic and intimidating, and I'd never set foot in there before. I knew I wouldn't end up joining, but I asked for a tour anyway. That's the sort of place you have to sell your soul to, though. My community center is so much friendlier and less pressure, plus it's not all meatheads pumping iron like at the big place. I don't want all that. As I ran out the front door, before I gave the sales guy a chance to give me the hard pitch, I was literally chased out into the parking lot. "Hey, miss lady!" Let me purchase your soul. I yelled back, "I'm sorry! It's okay!" No idea why I felt the need to apologize.

At least I did my regular workout at lunchtime yesterday, instead of telling myself I'd just do it at the gym in the evening, because that didn't work out at all. I did another one at lunch today, and I'm afraid it was a little too much. Immediately afterward, I felt like a bowl full of jelly. I ended up googling strength training for beginners, so I did something on some Men's Workout website, and OOF! It hurt. Well, I shouldn't say that -- it's not pain, exactly, just regular old weakness. I hope tomorrow I can lift my arms.

Sweaty from today's strength training attempt

I woke up this morning and weighed myself for the first time in a long time. It was pretty bad. Honestly, I feel like, "I've been on this diet for 2 whole days now. Why I am I still fat?" HOW do I kick this mentality?

I'm definitely going back to the community center gym tomorrow. Today I have book club, plus I still feel like Gumby after my lunch hour strength training session. I will have fulfilled my goal of going to that gym twice this week -- it's a shame that the first time didn't really count. But I am not giving up! Never surrender!

Day Two Today

Today while working out: Commander Riker's arm was severed and reattached, unbeknownst to him. Then, a beautiful blonde intern showed up on the ship, and Riker walked her to her quarters, where she wished for puppies, who appeared, then she wished them gone, and they vanished.

Remember, I get to see only the second half of a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, then the first five minutes of a second episode. It brings me great joy, though. I watch it with closed captions on so I can make sure to get the full effect. Ahh I love it.

I did the elliptical for 30 minutes today with rotating low/high intensity intervals. It's funny, I haven't been really sore from working out in a while (even while working with my trainer, it was kind of rare for me to really feel it the next day or two), but today I feel definite muscle soreness in my upper inner thighs. It's either from the squats I did yesterday or the step up knee raises. But the pushups and the dumbbell rows and the bent over side lateral raises did not do it. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. Wonder if I need to work harder. This is all a mystery to me.

What am I doing?

I don't know what to do tomorrow. I figured I'd try strength training exercises on Monday, Wednesday and Friday with my elliptical workouts on Tuesday and Thursday. So I did some stuff yesterday, but I don't know if I should do the same or different stuff tomorrow, or if I should do the same muscles but different exercises, or if I need to give stuff a break or what. Somebody help me out! (Okay, I'll google it.)

I had a good night last night. I went grocery shopping and to the dentist after work, so that filled up a bunch of time, and then after dinner I went to bed without snacking. Couch snacking is a tough habit to break. Hopefully self control and discipline on a continued basis will make it easier as time goes by.

I know I need to focus on getting through today without letting myself get overwhelmed with the future, but I am worried about this weekend. I have an overnight fun trip with my husband on Friday-Saturday, and car and hotel snacking always gets me down. I need to really focus on staying in control. Boredom does not require eating. I gotta remember that. "Vacation" happens frequently enough that I can't use it as an excuse!

Thinking of going to the community center gym after work today!!! I packed fresh gym clothes for it, so I have no good reason not to! NERVOUS!!!

Trying New Things: Almond Milk

I went grocery shopping last night, and on a whim, I bought a thing of unsweetened vanilla almond milk.

I have tried almond milk in the past, but back then, I added it to a slow cooker steel cut pumpkin oatmeal recipe and could not tell the difference. (Looking back, I shamefully let the rest of that almond milk go to waste, I think.) This time, I thought I'd add it to my coffee just to see.

Why did I buy this product instead of my usual? I don't know, really. I was never a milk drinker, could not stand the stuff as a kid, and I still never pour a glass just to chug it down (shudder). But now, I don't mind it at all in cereal, and I add it to my coffee and lattes daily. I got in the habit of buying fat free milk, since around the time I started buying my own groceries, I was also a member of Weight Watchers (yeah, I've been at this for a while), and the program then leaned heavily toward low-fat or fat free dairy. So I still buy fat free cow milk, almost always organic, and I don't really think twice about it.

But I felt somehow pushed by a social wave to try almond milk, partly for its trend factor, and it's animal free, and I like almonds a lot, and partly (this is the bigger part) because it's half the calories of the cow milk.

So I poured out about 3/4 of a cup of it, warmed it up, stuck a lid on it and shook it til it foamed. Then I added a little more vanilla, dumped it in a mug, and poured in two shots of my beloved Nespresso espresso. This quick latte (with cow milk) is a treat that I enjoy on mornings when I have time for it. This time, with the almond milk, it was... too vanilla-y. Too chalky. Too weird. In short, it was kinda gross.

Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk Verdict: Thumbs Down.

After doing 2 minutes of internet reading, I have determined that the benefits of almond milk do not outweigh the benefits of regular old cow milk, and I think it's okay for me to return to the latter. In the meantime, what can I do with an almost full thing of almond milk? Pumpkin oatmeal for everybody?

Weight Loss Cycle of Motivation

I want to be perfect, and every time I inevitably screw up, I feel shame and guilt enough to beat myself up about it. Essentially I end up punishing myself for my failure and stupidity and weakness by giving up completely. This happens over and over again, and I have had an unhealthy relationship with food because of it. I soak up my "I'm a failure" attitude to the point where I just wallow in it, and I sit on the couch watching TV for hours on end surrounded by balled-up Hershey Kiss wrappers.

Every time I do this in my life, so far, this is what happens.

Working on getting past this is my struggle.

I'm Surrounded by Tools

I'm surrounded by tools -- resources, that is, to make my life easier. I have absolutely no excuse not to succeed at my weight loss, fitness and wellness goals. 

My work gym is pretty cute.

Even our locker room is cute.

I work 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday, with two 15-minute breaks and a full hour for lunch daily. My office contains an adorable fitness center that is fully stocked with equipment. I can take a brisk walk during my breaks and get in a real 30-minute cardio or strength training workout during my lunch, every day, with enough time left to change clothes, freshen up, and eat my meal. 

Pretty cheerful, pre-workout.

My favorite thing about my work gym is that nobody is ever in there when I want to be in there. I cherish solitude when exercising. Someone else being in there changes everything.

My second favorite thing about my work gym is that I can watch Star Trek: The Next Generation during my lunch hour workout. I always catch the second half of one episode and the first five minutes of another. It's pretty awesome.

Star Trek wasn't on today, so I watched Bear Grylls. Spoiler: he gets up it.

Today I worked pretty hard. I started out on the elliptical for ten minutes, and then I did two rounds of a strength training circuit with some back/shoulders and quad/glute/hamstrings exercises. I was beet red.

All done!

But anyway, on top of all that, I get off work at 4 p.m. sharp, every day, and after my 30-minute drive, I have a full hour of time 100% to myself before my husband gets home. I don't have any kids or after work commitments. That's pure, unadulterated "me" time.

From January through May of 2015, I spent some of this time by spoiling myself and splurging on the services of a personal trainer. I'd go to her private gym straight after work and train for an hour, once or twice a week. At the time, I didn't feel like I was making any progress or doing very much. Looking back, though, I know that a.) getting into the habit of strength training and b.) learning a repertoire of strength training moves with proper form was absolutely worth it. I did lose weight and inches when I was training with her, but I didn't keep close track because I was trying to repair my obsession with the numbers on the scale. Personal training was hard and felt torturous (I'll never love working out), but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I can't really justify spending that kind of money forever without stopping, though, so I need to find a suitable substitute. The idea of joining a gym seems silly, since I have a gym at work. However, the work gym is not open outside of work hours, so my lunch break is really the only chance I have to do anything there, and the time I have is pretty limited, plus I'm always completely by myself. I've been a member of the Y before, but I didn't love it, and it's a little out of my way. I think I would like to take some classes that will give me a scheduled time I need to be there, plus a teacher to guide me. It's the second best thing to personal training, I'm guessing.

So I'm going to try my community center's gym. I was in there once to see a play in the auditorium, but the whole thing is pretty unfamiliar to me at this point. It's not in the world's most convenient location, but it's a nice neighborhood, and it's 11 minutes from my house. So my goal then, this week, is to get my ass in the community center gym TWO TIMES, and test it out the first day and join it the next day.

The more time I spend at the gym, the less time I'll spend sitting on my couch stuffing my face to numb the boredom. I've been thinking of joining the community center gym long enough! It's time to make it a reality. I've put it into words now, which makes this goal real. I have anxiety in my stomach about it, but I need to calm down and just do this. I will post soon to report back on my experience.

The First Day

In 60 days, I'm going to Mexico for a vacation in paradise.

I just went to Lake Huron for a beach weekend over Labor Day, and I have plenty of "before" pictures in my hot pink swimsuit. Am I disgusted with myself? No. I love and appreciate my body and its abilities. But am I proud of myself? No.

I have to ask myself how much progress I can make in 60 days. Two months, eight weeks. What can I do?

 I have to get it in my head that I will not give up if I am not perfect. So mistakes are allowed. Perfection is out the door.

What can I do every day? 
Log onto Myfitnesspal.
Get 10 minutes of activity.
Eat normal meals and snacks - no bingeing.
Eat a pre-planned breakfast and lunch. I know I can do that.

What would I like to do? 
Maintain a regular routine of progressive strength training.
Track my food each day and stay in my suggested range.
 Lose as much weight as possible (whoa, honest truth there, scary) -- as healthily as possible.
Stick to as low-carb as possible, as clean as possible eating. That means no junk food and avoidance of "treats." Kicking the habit of a treat every night -- gonna have to.

Right now the focus is going to be on getting my head right. I know I can do it as long as I want to badly enough.

So today is the first day of something. School, for many people. A life of healthy goodness, for me! I would like to write at least a little something in here every day to keep it top of mind, what I'm trying to do. So from here until November 7 -- let's see what progress I can make. I'm nervous and excited.